My friend and his Wife
Friday, September 7, 2007
My male (completely platonic - duh!) best friend from boarding school recently had the nerve to find a serious girlfriend, disappear completely, and subsequently marry said girlfriend. I have seen him exactly once since he met this woman and that was at the wedding.
For the two years prior to the Big Day, all I got was the occasional trying-to-stay-in-touch e-mail. Obviously I had to assume that this wife character was a horrible, evil bitch who not only forbade my friend to see me but was really, really fat. However, The Wife has apparently achieved some sense of wedded security because I'm going out to dinner with my friend, and The Wife tomorrow.
Now that eating overpriced Pad Thai with The Wife is imminent, I am forced to confront a series of uncomfortable facts:
a. The Wife is not actually fat.
b. Unless she dieted for the wedding and now has put it all back on!
c. But no matter what she looks like my friend is in love with her, and they are married, which means she is the most important person in his life. I need to respect that. But it's hard to respect it when The Wife hates me.
d. The Wife hates me because she thinks I’ll be a girl-bitch and say snide things and try to compete with her which I’m totally going to do.
So...The Wife is actually right to hate me. See? Uncomfortable.
Even worse was when The Writer tried to fuck with my head by saying “How do you know it’s her fault he never sees you?”But I can't think like that, I can only be angry at one dinner companion at a time. So I invited her to come along (great for being bitchy to females when needed) and bought a new dress (security blanket).
Just as I spent the college years worrying what ladies thought of me, I am apparently going to spend the post-college years obsessing over them.
For the two years prior to the Big Day, all I got was the occasional trying-to-stay-in-touch e-mail. Obviously I had to assume that this wife character was a horrible, evil bitch who not only forbade my friend to see me but was really, really fat. However, The Wife has apparently achieved some sense of wedded security because I'm going out to dinner with my friend, and The Wife tomorrow.
Now that eating overpriced Pad Thai with The Wife is imminent, I am forced to confront a series of uncomfortable facts:
a. The Wife is not actually fat.
b. Unless she dieted for the wedding and now has put it all back on!
c. But no matter what she looks like my friend is in love with her, and they are married, which means she is the most important person in his life. I need to respect that. But it's hard to respect it when The Wife hates me.
d. The Wife hates me because she thinks I’ll be a girl-bitch and say snide things and try to compete with her which I’m totally going to do.
So...The Wife is actually right to hate me. See? Uncomfortable.
Even worse was when The Writer tried to fuck with my head by saying “How do you know it’s her fault he never sees you?”But I can't think like that, I can only be angry at one dinner companion at a time. So I invited her to come along (great for being bitchy to females when needed) and bought a new dress (security blanket).
Just as I spent the college years worrying what ladies thought of me, I am apparently going to spend the post-college years obsessing over them.
dude(ette) you went to BOARDING SCHOOL? like Hogwarts, sleep away, uniforms and baby-lez "experiment with the roommate" kinda boarding school?
SWEET!
hahaha...yes. lesbians in the making.