Second Chances
Friday, April 6, 2007
I believe in second chances when it comes to relationships. BUT and that’s a huge but. I guess it depends on the situation that you are both in or actually, where you left off. Like a lot of people I know who have been on breaks and have gotten back together and gone on breaks again and eventually broke up.
In my case though, when I was in a position (at the time) where I felt I needed a second chance. Well I should really say a “third chance”. I could have sworn we would have ended up back together, because what I thought we shared was priceless. I will admit also that I the time we were dating, I was overprotective and a jealous freak. It was all new to me. I’m sure you all have experienced a time when you were in a real long-term relationship and all that mattered was your significant other. It was me. I was scared, nervous but overall excited to have found the other half of my heart. Besides the fights (which we did a lot, because of my insecurities) there were times when I felt complete and that person understood me. I could have done something horribly wrong, and she would still stand by me; not that I have done anything remotely absurd but I knew in my heart that she would be there for me.
I was wrong the entire time though. A little birdie told me the truth which was that she knew the relationship we had was not going to last and had to do something about it and it totally wasn’t what we all thought sparked the break up. I was not perfect, I did a lot of things that I regret, but if I knew that things were going sour because the chemistry was no longer there I wouldn’t have invested my time and spilled my heart out to her. I was in denial I guess. But who wouldn’t be. I knew she still loved me and I am sure it was as hard for her to let me go as it was for me to forgive myself and move on.
One weekend, I spent the majority of my time in bed – fighting my bronchitis. I had the opportunity to re-read some of my entries from a dark time of my life (for those who were there, reading my blogs and possibly thought I was a lunatic but still stood by- thank you) and I couldn’t help but visually return to that time where nothing seemed bright and everything was cold and dark. And I said, “You got over her, THANK God”. I had to remind myself that I did because at the time, I thought my world was chaotic, nothing mattered and happiness was over-rated. “Forget the re-occurring dreams these past few weeks, it might just means that I am wondering what is happening.” It is completely harmless.
I don’t blame anyone for what happened. Not even myself. I have passed that stage where everything fell on my shoulders. “I could have done this or I could have done that – to save my relationship” but the time came. It was her time to end it because of her own reasons. Everything happens for a reason. She fell in love, moved on and what I wanted most for her – happiness. And as for me, I am stuck in the revolving doors – relationship, single-hood, happiness and relationship, single-hood and happiness. Not complaining. Why should I right? I got a taste of both worlds and I get a chance to write about my disasters. It’s amusing.
Second chances are meant to be looked at deeply. In some cases it works and in other cases it becomes a revolving door, which you cannot stop spinning.
In my case though, when I was in a position (at the time) where I felt I needed a second chance. Well I should really say a “third chance”. I could have sworn we would have ended up back together, because what I thought we shared was priceless. I will admit also that I the time we were dating, I was overprotective and a jealous freak. It was all new to me. I’m sure you all have experienced a time when you were in a real long-term relationship and all that mattered was your significant other. It was me. I was scared, nervous but overall excited to have found the other half of my heart. Besides the fights (which we did a lot, because of my insecurities) there were times when I felt complete and that person understood me. I could have done something horribly wrong, and she would still stand by me; not that I have done anything remotely absurd but I knew in my heart that she would be there for me.
I was wrong the entire time though. A little birdie told me the truth which was that she knew the relationship we had was not going to last and had to do something about it and it totally wasn’t what we all thought sparked the break up. I was not perfect, I did a lot of things that I regret, but if I knew that things were going sour because the chemistry was no longer there I wouldn’t have invested my time and spilled my heart out to her. I was in denial I guess. But who wouldn’t be. I knew she still loved me and I am sure it was as hard for her to let me go as it was for me to forgive myself and move on.
One weekend, I spent the majority of my time in bed – fighting my bronchitis. I had the opportunity to re-read some of my entries from a dark time of my life (for those who were there, reading my blogs and possibly thought I was a lunatic but still stood by- thank you) and I couldn’t help but visually return to that time where nothing seemed bright and everything was cold and dark. And I said, “You got over her, THANK God”. I had to remind myself that I did because at the time, I thought my world was chaotic, nothing mattered and happiness was over-rated. “Forget the re-occurring dreams these past few weeks, it might just means that I am wondering what is happening.” It is completely harmless.
I don’t blame anyone for what happened. Not even myself. I have passed that stage where everything fell on my shoulders. “I could have done this or I could have done that – to save my relationship” but the time came. It was her time to end it because of her own reasons. Everything happens for a reason. She fell in love, moved on and what I wanted most for her – happiness. And as for me, I am stuck in the revolving doors – relationship, single-hood, happiness and relationship, single-hood and happiness. Not complaining. Why should I right? I got a taste of both worlds and I get a chance to write about my disasters. It’s amusing.
Second chances are meant to be looked at deeply. In some cases it works and in other cases it becomes a revolving door, which you cannot stop spinning.
