Suck it up
Thursday, February 14, 2008
To those of you in happy relationships or excited about your third or fourth date with somebody special who makes your eyes light up and time stand still… I hope you get gonorrhea tonight. Seriously. I know, I know, I sound bitter but I just really hate Valentine’s Day. I either manage to completely fuck it up or else I’m stone cold single.
Weird, right? It’s like, you know the old cliché that states that everybody wants to find a love interest during the summer and is looking to pair up? But for whatever reason, summer is usually a pretty barren season for me. Love-wise. On the flip side, the arrival of darkness at 3:00pm, winter jackets, chapped hands and frozen faces seems to signal that I’ll be getting some. Soon.
That’s right. For whatever reason, I always seem to do better with women during the colder months. Except, you know, during Valentine’s Day. Why this is, I don’t know. But it appears to be so.
Case in point: as I posted previously, the woman that I’ve been out on two dates with told me she had plans when I asked her out for Valentine’s Day. And she still hasn’t responded to the email I sent to her on Sunday, thanking her for dinner. She did, however, include me on a mass email that she sent to about 10 friends. And which was really pretty unfunny. It had pictures of grotesquely ugly women on it and was entitled Why Some Women Stay Single. And I called her on Tuesday night, but got her voicemail. The kind where it goes straight to voicemail as though a person's phone is turned off, and not where somebody looks down at their Caller ID, sees your number and gets a feeling somewhere between disappointment, dread and guilt in their stomach before sending you to leave a message. I think perhaps she might have stumbled upon this site and read our date reviews. Yikes!
Anyway, maybe she isn’t ditching me. But I have to ask a little bit… what the fuck?And I had a weird dream about Hope the other night. I was at her house, which she shared with some roommate who doesn’t exist in real life. I felt awkward, and she obviously felt strange having me there. I was staying the night, not with Hope but as a kind of houseguest. Why, I have no idea. The thing was that she was already married. But she didn’t like her (yes it is in fact the girl she is madly in love at the moment) because she was a little overbearing and pushing things on her plate – like buying a house, getting married. Like everything was set in some alternate universe where 2008 had the social conventions of an Edith Warton novel.
Anyway, Hope’s wife came home. In the dream. I don’t think I ever described what her partner (in real life) looks like…but anyway, she looks like Shakira but not really…there is something definitely off about this girl, but overall she isn’t ugly. And Hope and her were obviously in love. And there I stood, watching like an idiot, as they kissed hello in the dream. I was the dumbass sleeping in the guest bedroom.And then I woke up. I had to lie in bed for a minute as I pondered the dream. I mean, I also didn’t get up because it was freezing and I didn’t feel like getting out from under the covers. But I suddenly remembered that wonderful, unique way that Hope’s hair smelled in real life. And I felt sad for a second. Which is weird. I don't want to get back together with her or anything. I guess it was just some sort of vague longing for something from the past. Kind of a pathetic version of a Proustian moment.And then I told myself to stop being such a goddamned wussy.
I turned over and went back to bed.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.
Weird, right? It’s like, you know the old cliché that states that everybody wants to find a love interest during the summer and is looking to pair up? But for whatever reason, summer is usually a pretty barren season for me. Love-wise. On the flip side, the arrival of darkness at 3:00pm, winter jackets, chapped hands and frozen faces seems to signal that I’ll be getting some. Soon.
That’s right. For whatever reason, I always seem to do better with women during the colder months. Except, you know, during Valentine’s Day. Why this is, I don’t know. But it appears to be so.
Case in point: as I posted previously, the woman that I’ve been out on two dates with told me she had plans when I asked her out for Valentine’s Day. And she still hasn’t responded to the email I sent to her on Sunday, thanking her for dinner. She did, however, include me on a mass email that she sent to about 10 friends. And which was really pretty unfunny. It had pictures of grotesquely ugly women on it and was entitled Why Some Women Stay Single. And I called her on Tuesday night, but got her voicemail. The kind where it goes straight to voicemail as though a person's phone is turned off, and not where somebody looks down at their Caller ID, sees your number and gets a feeling somewhere between disappointment, dread and guilt in their stomach before sending you to leave a message. I think perhaps she might have stumbled upon this site and read our date reviews. Yikes!
Anyway, maybe she isn’t ditching me. But I have to ask a little bit… what the fuck?And I had a weird dream about Hope the other night. I was at her house, which she shared with some roommate who doesn’t exist in real life. I felt awkward, and she obviously felt strange having me there. I was staying the night, not with Hope but as a kind of houseguest. Why, I have no idea. The thing was that she was already married. But she didn’t like her (yes it is in fact the girl she is madly in love at the moment) because she was a little overbearing and pushing things on her plate – like buying a house, getting married. Like everything was set in some alternate universe where 2008 had the social conventions of an Edith Warton novel.
Anyway, Hope’s wife came home. In the dream. I don’t think I ever described what her partner (in real life) looks like…but anyway, she looks like Shakira but not really…there is something definitely off about this girl, but overall she isn’t ugly. And Hope and her were obviously in love. And there I stood, watching like an idiot, as they kissed hello in the dream. I was the dumbass sleeping in the guest bedroom.And then I woke up. I had to lie in bed for a minute as I pondered the dream. I mean, I also didn’t get up because it was freezing and I didn’t feel like getting out from under the covers. But I suddenly remembered that wonderful, unique way that Hope’s hair smelled in real life. And I felt sad for a second. Which is weird. I don't want to get back together with her or anything. I guess it was just some sort of vague longing for something from the past. Kind of a pathetic version of a Proustian moment.And then I told myself to stop being such a goddamned wussy.
I turned over and went back to bed.
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.
