At present, I know more gay and lesbian people than I ever have before. When I was younger, I was often the lone blip of homosexuality in our heterosexual world. By choice? By circumstance. Interesting times, those. It was all good.These days I'm surrounded. It's been gradual, this expansion of my cultural vista. It's not sole source, either. I meet lesbians and gay men so often, in such a variety of circumstance, it has almost become commonplace. We are everywhere.A rumor hit the mill that two friends, heterosexual females, were "hooking up" with each other. Surprised me enough to merit a raised eyebrow while rousing my curiosity. Who doesn't love a little titillating gossip now and again! And of course it was titillating. Since when is news of any two friends of any gender hooking up not titillating? It could be love! Or at least good sex.Turns out the rumor was true. Not only were they hooking up then, but they are still a couple now. It's been over a year. At what point does "hooking up" turn into "having a romantic relationship" turn into "Hey world, I'm gay"?Lauren pinned the nickname "pseudos" on those friends of ours, a term of endearment if you will. Are they lesbians? Situational? Transitional? Who knows? Them least of all, maybe. Does it matter?She and I are fortunate to have friends who span generations { Wait I am not that old, am I?}. Some are solidly heterosexual, some solidly homosexual. Others are trying to figure out who they are. Toss in a handful who have no fucking clue and all bases are covered.What's a friend to do when a friend switches sexual teams? I know what my "friends" did when I traded up. Many of them fled. A few adapted. I'm an adapter. A friend is a friend. Life is hard enough without stressing over something as basic as who someone loves.
Posted in:
Dating,
GLBT,
Random Musings
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Oh Good Lord it is Friday!!!! Not much is planned for the weekend but so far here is what I have…
Tonight – Super cool outing with a bunch of my straight girlies – staying local (McFads in midtown and probably finish the night at Saloon on the Upper East)
Saturday – Heading to my first tennis practice after the Hospital incident. For those of you who don’t know, I do play tennis for a certain country. Right now, I am probably the worst player in the league but who cares…it’s fun and I get to travel…Really gay huh?!? That’s usually how I get my ladies. I swing a little “I play tennis, I moan and sweat, wanna see me play” not exactly using these words…but ya get my drift.
Sunday – scored some major Mets tickets, kick ass seats right behind 3rd base. Sweeeeet. I will be boozing with my pops and stuffing my face with chips and hot dogs.
Everyone I know (NJ peeps) are heading to the Asbury Pride this Sunday and I will be watching a sweet game at Shea. I am not a huge fan of Pride. Every year it is the exact same response. I get really excited about it because I get to be around other GLBTs and it feels like home and every year I get disappointed.
When I came out in HS, It was a brand new beginning- new persona…gay belt around my waist, bandana rainbow flag tightly wrapped on my head, rainbow bracelets safely worn around my wrists and any other paraphernalia that will show that “yes I am gay”- I would stand among other GLBT and show my pride with screams which can be heard across the river.
Now, 8 years after my first tentative steps from the closet, I don't find Pride festivals as significant anymore. First of all – I don’t bear any of the old gay gear; I just show up, drink and be merry. I don’t need to tell people that I am who am anymore. That phase of wearing everything gay is long gone.
Every year I tell myself that I will not go to Pride because I don’t see a point and clearly I get bored with the same floats. I still manage to go, for no other reason than to be counted and of course to see the dykes on bikes and PFLAG. BUT BUT BUT Excuse me while I don my bitter hat -- Pride Parades lately seem much more about see-and-be-seen than an actual expression of individual or group pride. Sometimes I think it's really just a huge cruise-fest, where generally attractive women/men remove their shirts in their bids for attention while less "attractive" women are all too happy to lavish such attention on them. (I use "attractive" in a community standards sense of the word, which is horrible, because gay community standards are ridiculous.) Sure, lesbians are proud of being lesbians... and gays are proud to be gay.
Once upon a time, I went to Pride because I wanted to be among people who didn't make me feel like a freak, an outsider, a pariah. I no longer feel like an outcast every day. Sometimes, though, one comes to miss the affirmation -- the kind that comes only to the insecure -- when one has truly become comfortable with the skin she's in.I am not against being naked and showering oneself with bottled water while floating in the air and barely wearing undies. But is that showing pride?
Posted in:
GLBT
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I n the past weeks I’ve decided to clean out my closet. I’ve realized that I am in that social timeline where I need to make new friends – no necessarily wiping out all the friends I have, but a few. For example: the ones that are overly involved with their significant other where there is no time to hang out [without the significant other].
I can’t really say that I dislike all people who are in serious relationships (or so they think) but I dislike the ones who are too much into each other where when I call to hang out, one of them doesn’t want to and so the other half will absolutely not go out. I find it extremely pitiful. I believe people should lead different lives and not be totally infatuated with one another.
I’ve been in a couple of long-term relationship, but my very first LTR had to be with Hope. With her, I had a hard time letting go. I always wanted to be around, hang out, and go out together. When it was time for her to meet new friends (she started this 20 something group friends thing at the center) my insecurities grew to the max. Not only was I going to miss having her around on Tuesday nights but also I had to deal with the issue when her friends met up at bars/restaurants sans moi. I actually learned from my relationship with her. I learned that life doesn’t always revolve around your other half. There is in fact, some time needed to get away from one another. This is one of the lessons I carried with me to my next LTR. I always gave her space and in return I was happy to see my friends and go out without having my girlfriend glued to my waist.
I suppose that is what my friends who are currently in LTR have. I can’t talk for a lot of them, but I am pretty darn sure that it is their first “real” relationship. I guess with every failed shot, I will see them once a year.
Having friends who are highly drawn in with their significant other can be draining. I can’t just call a friend and ask them to come out because they have to confirm with their partners. It is one of my pet peeves. I repulsively hate when I do all the calling or texting and trying to make plans only to find out that they are “staying in” (not too sure if that’s a special code for leave us the fuck alone, we are making sweet-oh so sweet loving)
Maybe I am taking this too seriously, maybe I am the one who has a problem and who is too “single” and doesn’t realize that time spent with the love one are precious (which I think they are) but I do think that time spent with friends is also precious and memorable and FUN (selfish me!). Maybe I need to get a new crowd – a singles’ group where we can run wild in the wee hours of the morning and not have lovers to tame us – calling/texting every minute of the night just to see what we are up to.
Really – can they be any more understanding?
Posted in:
Ex,
GLBT,
Relationships
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H as anyone seen last Thursday edition of the Village Voice? Check it here
Before I even start with this one, I want everyone to know that I am NOT and I repeat am absolutely NOT against butch, bois, studs and whatever Lezzies want to be called these days. I support my plethora of dykes in every sense of the word and stand firm on my feet when they are mistreated/misunderstood by our society and unfortunately the media.
Phewww, I got this over with it. So now – the article.
In a nutshell: lezzies these days (based on the article - African Americans and Latinas) idolize big time rappers/gangsters and take into the fondness of that genre and thus, society labels them as these hardcore butch lesbians who fight, hustle and even die for the sake of being appreciated by 1) female companions/lovers and 2) the notorious street male thugs.
They go as far as a complete body image switch – their attire, their body/language. Often they are mistaken for men and some of them don’t mind it. I suppose what they chose to achieve is not only self-acceptance but also approval from society.
Hey, I am no lezzie expert and won’t pretend that I am either. As a femme lezzie, I never found an attraction to the butch ladies. To be honest, I love women. I love the way they feel, the way they look, the way they touch, their femininity. I love a woman who looks like a woman not a woman who thinks/dresses, talks/walks and breathes the male species. No offense to my male species- I fully respect the gender and like them, especially when the majority of my friends are male and are the sweetest guys on earth. But I don’t do the schlong unless it is from Babeland.
I can’t dictate what is right or what is wrong here. But I wonder if they can do some sort of study to show butch/dykes/bois in a corporate setting – outside of GLBT communities. That my friends, I would like to read about. I know it would be discrimination if a company doesn’t hire someone because of the way look but society is so blinded by the norms of Corporate America.
Another thing, I am deeply offended by some of the comments butch lezzies put out there to somehow demean the lezzie community. Hello, may I remind you that you do have a vagina and tits?
I want to know why certain skirt chasers love the macho – masculinity persona and others like myself embrace femininity?
Posted in:
GLBT
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