How far do I have to go...
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Y esterday I went to my college’s Spring Fest. It wasn’t as much fun as I expected it to be - even with all the alcohol (only 3 beers and a cocktail- I was driving) I consumed - spring fest turned into a boring underage college dorm orgy.
The Pearl (ex girlfriend ) was there I was obliged to be nice and attempt to talk to her bimbo-ish brain. It was with great effort really. We stopped talking 2 weeks ago because of her ways to make me feel inferior to her. So 2 weeks ago, we were having a conversation about my neighbors’ Bentley which got flooded due to the Nor-Easter and she interrupted me and said “ Don’t you live in the ghetto? How can someone who lives next door to you have a Bentley?“ It really hit me in the heart because I knew that she wasn’t joking and because she thinks my parents are poor. The thing about her is that anyone who is financially below her is poor. Mind you, my parents are doctors - they drive nice cars and my house is nice. But because I live in NJ and I am approximately 10 minutes from the train I am considered poor. I was shocked that someone who supposedly loved me, who considered me one of her best friends and wants me to be part of her life but she treats me like shit - really. You might think the argument may be childish on my part but you really have to know her to understand where I am coming from. She is selfish and wants everyone to bow at her feet and follow her. What she doesn’t know is that no one listens to half the bullshit that comes out of her mouth.
As much as I shouldn’t be upset about it, it really hit home to me and so I decided to cut all ties with her. I have yet received an apology from her.
Back to the Spring Fest. I spent half my time debating whether I should leave or not. One-because the pearl was there and two - she was trying really hard to upset me by whoring herself out to some girl who had no interest in her and the worst thing is, the Pearl would never-in a million years talk to that poor girl. She was an easy target. I wasn’t upset that she was trying to hook up with my friend, I was upset that she was trying to get me to be mad. Well also- because she was whoring herself out to any poor straight girl I knew.
I am absolutely not a horrible ex-girlfriend. I don’t talk trash about them, I don’t treat them like they are nobody and I don’t act like I am better than them. There was a reason I went out with them and there was a reason the relationship ended. I don’t know if it is my personality or that’s the kind of person I am, or the fact that I am matured about situations like these or I am a genuine person.
Unfortunately, the Pearl brings the worst in me. She insults me in front of my friends and her friends and I just stand there - because there is one thing I learned in therapy and that is, controlling how I feel and not projecting hurtful feelings towards other people.
On my drive back home, all I kept thinking was how much I fucking hate the character she portrays to the outside world. I hate the way she talks to me, I hate the way she feels towards me and I hate the way she makes me feel afterwards.
All I really wanted to say to her was - “shut the fuck up, you selfish fucking bitch. No one is paying attention to your drunk ass, go home you slut.” I know it’s mean and this is why I would NEVER say it to her. But that’s how I feel.
She is the same girl who cheated on me three times - possibly more. I am the fucking idiot who runs back to her because she was my best friend before anything happened between us and I didn’t want to lose her.
And so now, she is no longer my friend.
This morning I woke up and noticed that she had called me twice.
Ignoring her and pretending she never existed is better than having to talk to her and hearing how selfish (along with a lot of other words) she really is.
The Pearl (ex girlfriend ) was there I was obliged to be nice and attempt to talk to her bimbo-ish brain. It was with great effort really. We stopped talking 2 weeks ago because of her ways to make me feel inferior to her. So 2 weeks ago, we were having a conversation about my neighbors’ Bentley which got flooded due to the Nor-Easter and she interrupted me and said “ Don’t you live in the ghetto? How can someone who lives next door to you have a Bentley?“ It really hit me in the heart because I knew that she wasn’t joking and because she thinks my parents are poor. The thing about her is that anyone who is financially below her is poor. Mind you, my parents are doctors - they drive nice cars and my house is nice. But because I live in NJ and I am approximately 10 minutes from the train I am considered poor. I was shocked that someone who supposedly loved me, who considered me one of her best friends and wants me to be part of her life but she treats me like shit - really. You might think the argument may be childish on my part but you really have to know her to understand where I am coming from. She is selfish and wants everyone to bow at her feet and follow her. What she doesn’t know is that no one listens to half the bullshit that comes out of her mouth.
As much as I shouldn’t be upset about it, it really hit home to me and so I decided to cut all ties with her. I have yet received an apology from her.
Back to the Spring Fest. I spent half my time debating whether I should leave or not. One-because the pearl was there and two - she was trying really hard to upset me by whoring herself out to some girl who had no interest in her and the worst thing is, the Pearl would never-in a million years talk to that poor girl. She was an easy target. I wasn’t upset that she was trying to hook up with my friend, I was upset that she was trying to get me to be mad. Well also- because she was whoring herself out to any poor straight girl I knew.
I am absolutely not a horrible ex-girlfriend. I don’t talk trash about them, I don’t treat them like they are nobody and I don’t act like I am better than them. There was a reason I went out with them and there was a reason the relationship ended. I don’t know if it is my personality or that’s the kind of person I am, or the fact that I am matured about situations like these or I am a genuine person.
Unfortunately, the Pearl brings the worst in me. She insults me in front of my friends and her friends and I just stand there - because there is one thing I learned in therapy and that is, controlling how I feel and not projecting hurtful feelings towards other people.
On my drive back home, all I kept thinking was how much I fucking hate the character she portrays to the outside world. I hate the way she talks to me, I hate the way she feels towards me and I hate the way she makes me feel afterwards.
All I really wanted to say to her was - “shut the fuck up, you selfish fucking bitch. No one is paying attention to your drunk ass, go home you slut.” I know it’s mean and this is why I would NEVER say it to her. But that’s how I feel.
She is the same girl who cheated on me three times - possibly more. I am the fucking idiot who runs back to her because she was my best friend before anything happened between us and I didn’t want to lose her.
And so now, she is no longer my friend.
This morning I woke up and noticed that she had called me twice.
Ignoring her and pretending she never existed is better than having to talk to her and hearing how selfish (along with a lot of other words) she really is.
Sorry to hear that. She doesn't realize that she is losing a great person.