Everlasting Love
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
I used to be the one people turned to and said Shane’s famous line from the Lword “you guys give me hope” – speaking about Tina and Bette. I hate to think about the one time I was the last hope for single lesbians because there was one time in my life that I was and truly believed in love but more importantly a relationship that would be sizzling forever. I also hate to think about the person I had it with because it replays every moment I once shared – the good times and even the bad ones, and then I say to myself “yes, I do believe in love and yes it can be forever.” I don’t constantly remind myself but it is there behind somewhere – hidden in the creases of my mind.
Then I look at the relationship Hope is currently in and I think “you guys give me hope”. From what I hear, they are absolutely in love with each other. I don’t know her partner well enough to judge her love or question her love for her. But I do know Hope and I know that she is the kind of person who falls in love –it may not be easily, but she falls deep and hard. Whatever you get from her, it comes from her heart and only from her heart.
I hate to look in future partners some of the qualities Hope has because it would make it harder for me to fall in love. I don’t fall in love easily. It is a known fact. But with every girl I was in a relationship with after Hope, they all had something similar or recognizable in Hope. Whether it was her kind heart, her love for music or the arts or simply a slight resemblance in her profound dark eyes or her dear affection to make a difference in other people’s lives. Every time, every single time I see her.
I am over her, I am over the relationship we had, I am over the person she is but I will always love her and have a special spot in my heart. It isn’t a shock to most people but others might not see why. It has been a little over two years – there are times when I can go months without thinking about her and there are other times (like lately) where I do think about her. It may just be the fact that people keep mentioning her name to me or people saw her and they report back to me (as if I wanted to hear that she was at this place or that place) I don’t miss Hope per se. I miss the feeling of being in love (although she wasn’t the only person I loved).
I’ve noticed, during the past two years, I’ve fallen for two people. I have also fallen out of love and it is the hardest thing to go through. I am approaching my mid 20’s – very soon and I can’t help but think “am I going to be the party lezzie of NYC the (what some people say) Brad Pitt of Lezzies? Am I going to be single and stay single? Am I ever going to be in stable relationship? Am I ever going to settle down?”
Don’t worry, I only think about it when I see my married friends or when my single ones exclaim “I’m engaged!!!!” This year alone, I am attending 3 weddings and one more baby shower. Just as I am getting used to the idea that my friends are in stable long term relationships, the singlehood period quickly befalls upon me, and once again I’m knocked out of my comfort zone. It’s normal right?
This blog is supposed to reveal some of my confessions. And here it one…behind the party girl, I am the single lezzie who worries about finding her soul-mate – wait, I don’t believe in soul-mate. OK fine, I worry about finding my Cinder-Angelina.
How many frogs will I have to kiss to find my princess?
Then I look at the relationship Hope is currently in and I think “you guys give me hope”. From what I hear, they are absolutely in love with each other. I don’t know her partner well enough to judge her love or question her love for her. But I do know Hope and I know that she is the kind of person who falls in love –it may not be easily, but she falls deep and hard. Whatever you get from her, it comes from her heart and only from her heart.
I hate to look in future partners some of the qualities Hope has because it would make it harder for me to fall in love. I don’t fall in love easily. It is a known fact. But with every girl I was in a relationship with after Hope, they all had something similar or recognizable in Hope. Whether it was her kind heart, her love for music or the arts or simply a slight resemblance in her profound dark eyes or her dear affection to make a difference in other people’s lives. Every time, every single time I see her.
I am over her, I am over the relationship we had, I am over the person she is but I will always love her and have a special spot in my heart. It isn’t a shock to most people but others might not see why. It has been a little over two years – there are times when I can go months without thinking about her and there are other times (like lately) where I do think about her. It may just be the fact that people keep mentioning her name to me or people saw her and they report back to me (as if I wanted to hear that she was at this place or that place) I don’t miss Hope per se. I miss the feeling of being in love (although she wasn’t the only person I loved).
I’ve noticed, during the past two years, I’ve fallen for two people. I have also fallen out of love and it is the hardest thing to go through. I am approaching my mid 20’s – very soon and I can’t help but think “am I going to be the party lezzie of NYC the (what some people say) Brad Pitt of Lezzies? Am I going to be single and stay single? Am I ever going to be in stable relationship? Am I ever going to settle down?”
Don’t worry, I only think about it when I see my married friends or when my single ones exclaim “I’m engaged!!!!” This year alone, I am attending 3 weddings and one more baby shower. Just as I am getting used to the idea that my friends are in stable long term relationships, the singlehood period quickly befalls upon me, and once again I’m knocked out of my comfort zone. It’s normal right?
This blog is supposed to reveal some of my confessions. And here it one…behind the party girl, I am the single lezzie who worries about finding her soul-mate – wait, I don’t believe in soul-mate. OK fine, I worry about finding my Cinder-Angelina.
How many frogs will I have to kiss to find my princess?
a lot of frogs my dear...
Esperance?
Lauren- I know. This reminds me of that stupid commercial about some bank and this princess or girl who has to kiss a frog but every time it becomes another animal.
E - wha??
you know who I am.
No I don't. How about you reveal your sweet self and move on with this comment tag?
I don't want to play anymore. I am tired and I need a redbull.
so...
E...whoever is pretending to be Hope is a freaking psycho!!!
H.H. tonight. its thursday - I have to be home for Grey's
xoxo