Tea and then Some
Monday, June 11, 2007
I have to stop drinking my usual 7 cups of tea a day and my morning and evening espresso Cuban coffee, or else I will not be sleeping at all this year. It’s just that caffeine is so good – especially when you are so tired and perhaps addicted?
On a crazy note, ladies, if you ever want to feel even more cynical about love, sex and relationships, study familial structure. I’ve resigned myself to auctioning off my domestic labor power to the highest bidder. As a woman, I am literally fucked. I might as well be comfortable as I get the shaft from society. I am learning the hard way. not too satisfying. Going once, going twice?? anyone?
It seems that so far 2007/my 24 years on this earth has been fraught with situations that make me acknowledge my “maturation”, and get my head out of the sands of denial that the grown up bus is driving by. Weddings, an internship program that I can’t talk my way out of misery (I’m slacking with my poverty in Latin America research- please say a silent prayer for me), in addition to cutting down on the excess – drinking, partying, and all the other shortcomings I need to overcome with the help of my therapist. Who, by the way, probably gave up on me. “These services aren’t for long term therapy honey” and my favorite, “for someone who is so self-aware…”I interrupt her, “I keep on making the same mistakes, over and over again. Yes, I know this. Why do you think I continue to see you?” My therapist sessions are more about talking crap then anything. Instead of crying like normal people would, I laugh and we crack jokes. She’s like a friend with benefits (my health insurance pays her 500 bucks to listen to my lesbian drama).
I’ve noticed an interesting shift in my relationships ever since I left the women community back in College. Growing up all of my friends were females. Granted they were beer/wine (for the classy French ones), girl-kissing (even the straight ones), pranksters who got as much of a kick out of lighting a fart on fire (not naming any names), as knocking on each other’s doors when we knew someone was having sex. But then I noticed a change when I left the iron gates of women power – women for the most part are bitches, back stabbers, drop you for their girl/boyfriends, say that you look pretty when you look like crap, who whine – but I love them. This is when I began to foray into part-time fag enabling with those possession of y-chromosomes.
These were my platonic friends, and I was their little sister. They bought me beers, protected me from skeevy ladies in bars and cheered me on when I danced on bars and in exchange I offered them a female perspective to their gal/boy problems, and playfully flirted with them when their significant other was being an ass.
Symbiotic relationship.
Until they got married.
I have a very good friend of mine who wants to hang. I really like this kid. She is smart- although ex pot-head, funny, and adorably lovable in that dorky ‘save me’ kind of way. To put it diplomatically because I know she reads it and think her gf may read it too, she and I have a strained relationship. She may thinks I am trying to steal her girlfriend, when all I want to do is hang out with her, without her.
Whether girls want to admit it, your boyfriend/girlfriend is different hanging out with his/her friends than you. He/She is more liberal with the off-color jokes, has a propensity to drink a bit more than usual, and tends to be a lot more honest, especially when talking about you. Often times I’ve been subjected to seeing my friends leashed by the constraints of their girlfriends/boyfriends, toning down their behavior, keeping conversation neutral, and forgetting the people that made me want to be friends with them in the beginning.
So my point—I think I just needed to rant. Part of my frustration fuelled that I missed the relationship boat here – actually maybe not. Or maybe it is the prospect of spending an entire weekend with a person not because I want to, but because of the symbolism of the ring that sits on the third finger of one of my good friend’s left hand. Or maybe, I am just grasping for straws, since I am too lazy to be help accountable to my memory and recant the rest of birthday week—complete with the $1000+ bar tab and a promise to buy a drug dealer Freakonomic next time I saw him. Oh god I kid you not. Only in NYC.
But those stories will have to wait. When I am more mentally adept, and haven’t had the productivity bored our of me. Try reading a few thousand pages about poverty and immigration laws by the same three authors and then get back to me. Instead of being mature and tackling my work, knocking the shit out—I’ve reverted back to my escapist ways, and spent the last few hours of last night dancing around my room in my hot new undies ( I heart boyshorts) listening to ***** ( I can’t say – you’ll make fun) and watching trashy reality tv. While I look at the unread journal articles whose pages still have not been turned yet.
I seriously need to lay off the caffeine after 8pm, and/or find the motivation to do my work.
On a crazy note, ladies, if you ever want to feel even more cynical about love, sex and relationships, study familial structure. I’ve resigned myself to auctioning off my domestic labor power to the highest bidder. As a woman, I am literally fucked. I might as well be comfortable as I get the shaft from society. I am learning the hard way. not too satisfying. Going once, going twice?? anyone?
It seems that so far 2007/my 24 years on this earth has been fraught with situations that make me acknowledge my “maturation”, and get my head out of the sands of denial that the grown up bus is driving by. Weddings, an internship program that I can’t talk my way out of misery (I’m slacking with my poverty in Latin America research- please say a silent prayer for me), in addition to cutting down on the excess – drinking, partying, and all the other shortcomings I need to overcome with the help of my therapist. Who, by the way, probably gave up on me. “These services aren’t for long term therapy honey” and my favorite, “for someone who is so self-aware…”I interrupt her, “I keep on making the same mistakes, over and over again. Yes, I know this. Why do you think I continue to see you?” My therapist sessions are more about talking crap then anything. Instead of crying like normal people would, I laugh and we crack jokes. She’s like a friend with benefits (my health insurance pays her 500 bucks to listen to my lesbian drama).
I’ve noticed an interesting shift in my relationships ever since I left the women community back in College. Growing up all of my friends were females. Granted they were beer/wine (for the classy French ones), girl-kissing (even the straight ones), pranksters who got as much of a kick out of lighting a fart on fire (not naming any names), as knocking on each other’s doors when we knew someone was having sex. But then I noticed a change when I left the iron gates of women power – women for the most part are bitches, back stabbers, drop you for their girl/boyfriends, say that you look pretty when you look like crap, who whine – but I love them. This is when I began to foray into part-time fag enabling with those possession of y-chromosomes.
These were my platonic friends, and I was their little sister. They bought me beers, protected me from skeevy ladies in bars and cheered me on when I danced on bars and in exchange I offered them a female perspective to their gal/boy problems, and playfully flirted with them when their significant other was being an ass.
Symbiotic relationship.
Until they got married.
I have a very good friend of mine who wants to hang. I really like this kid. She is smart- although ex pot-head, funny, and adorably lovable in that dorky ‘save me’ kind of way. To put it diplomatically because I know she reads it and think her gf may read it too, she and I have a strained relationship. She may thinks I am trying to steal her girlfriend, when all I want to do is hang out with her, without her.
Whether girls want to admit it, your boyfriend/girlfriend is different hanging out with his/her friends than you. He/She is more liberal with the off-color jokes, has a propensity to drink a bit more than usual, and tends to be a lot more honest, especially when talking about you. Often times I’ve been subjected to seeing my friends leashed by the constraints of their girlfriends/boyfriends, toning down their behavior, keeping conversation neutral, and forgetting the people that made me want to be friends with them in the beginning.
So my point—I think I just needed to rant. Part of my frustration fuelled that I missed the relationship boat here – actually maybe not. Or maybe it is the prospect of spending an entire weekend with a person not because I want to, but because of the symbolism of the ring that sits on the third finger of one of my good friend’s left hand. Or maybe, I am just grasping for straws, since I am too lazy to be help accountable to my memory and recant the rest of birthday week—complete with the $1000+ bar tab and a promise to buy a drug dealer Freakonomic next time I saw him. Oh god I kid you not. Only in NYC.
But those stories will have to wait. When I am more mentally adept, and haven’t had the productivity bored our of me. Try reading a few thousand pages about poverty and immigration laws by the same three authors and then get back to me. Instead of being mature and tackling my work, knocking the shit out—I’ve reverted back to my escapist ways, and spent the last few hours of last night dancing around my room in my hot new undies ( I heart boyshorts) listening to ***** ( I can’t say – you’ll make fun) and watching trashy reality tv. While I look at the unread journal articles whose pages still have not been turned yet.
I seriously need to lay off the caffeine after 8pm, and/or find the motivation to do my work.
Is Monday driving you crazy thus resulting in random ranting blogging?
Lauren - yes. indeed you know me well.
Blogging makes great therapy. If your insurance ever stops paying for your therapist, you always have blogger as a back-up!
Ladsk - Thats what everyone says...I'll take your word as well :)