Everyone loves Tim Gunn - NOT
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Everyone knows how much I hate Tim Gunn. I only watch 'Project Runway' because I love Heidi Klum and Nina Garcia's opinions of what constitutes "fashion". NO, I do not love Tim Gunn and his quiet stoicism and fake enthusiastic voice with the contestants. But funny enough, as much as I hate him I have gone out of my way to watch his new show 'Tim Gunn's Guide to Style'.
I caught the show while eating lunch and within 10 minutes I was shocking on my food, vomiting and crying in disgust. On this show everything I hate about Gunn is multiplied to the 10th power. He's an ass and tough and is never encouraging. I decided then and there that if I had my own personal Tim Gunn, kind of like a cross between Jeeves and a really great gay roommate it would be something like this:
I picture us in a couple different scenarios:
1. It's a Sunday night. I'm knitting and Tim's reading. No, Tim's knitting too. As he reaches for his cup of tea he catches my profile. Very nonchalantly he says:
- "NYC.Lezie? I think you may be due for a facial."
- "Am I, Tim?"- "Yes, your pores are starting to resemble the Con Ed midtown sinkhole. I'll call Svetlana tomorrow."
I reach over and squeeze his hand.
"Thanks Tim – I fucking hate you."
2. It's a Tuesday morning. I'm getting ready for work. Tim wanders in and sits on the bed. Crosses his legs and says:
- "You're not seriously wearing that."
- "Oh, okay. How about with these pants?"
- "45-year old soccer moms are more stylish."
- "What about this?"
- "No. Just - no."
- "I'm running out of ideas here, Tim."
He walks over and grabs a dress out of the closet, puts his hand on his chin while considering what shoes to pair with it, then points to the box while plucking one of my Chanel scarves out obscurity.
- "Fucking A. How do you do that?"
- "It's a gift."
3. It's Wednesday at 3:30. I'm just about to eat a Snickers bar when the phone rings.
- "Hello?"
- "Put the Snickers bar down and get a yogurt."
-Click-
4. It's early Saturday morning. We're on a Hampton Jitney to The Springs so crowded we're forced not to sit together. My cell phone beeps I have a text message.
- "Christ, I can see your roots from the back of the bus."
- "I can't help it! My stylist is on vacation!"
- "Get some Clairol or something. Just...make it work."
I hate you, Tim.
Xoxoxoxo
PS: I am assuming The German is a fan, so I apologize.
I caught the show while eating lunch and within 10 minutes I was shocking on my food, vomiting and crying in disgust. On this show everything I hate about Gunn is multiplied to the 10th power. He's an ass and tough and is never encouraging. I decided then and there that if I had my own personal Tim Gunn, kind of like a cross between Jeeves and a really great gay roommate it would be something like this:
I picture us in a couple different scenarios:
1. It's a Sunday night. I'm knitting and Tim's reading. No, Tim's knitting too. As he reaches for his cup of tea he catches my profile. Very nonchalantly he says:
- "NYC.Lezie? I think you may be due for a facial."
- "Am I, Tim?"- "Yes, your pores are starting to resemble the Con Ed midtown sinkhole. I'll call Svetlana tomorrow."
I reach over and squeeze his hand.
"Thanks Tim – I fucking hate you."
2. It's a Tuesday morning. I'm getting ready for work. Tim wanders in and sits on the bed. Crosses his legs and says:
- "You're not seriously wearing that."
- "Oh, okay. How about with these pants?"
- "45-year old soccer moms are more stylish."
- "What about this?"
- "No. Just - no."
- "I'm running out of ideas here, Tim."
He walks over and grabs a dress out of the closet, puts his hand on his chin while considering what shoes to pair with it, then points to the box while plucking one of my Chanel scarves out obscurity.
- "Fucking A. How do you do that?"
- "It's a gift."
3. It's Wednesday at 3:30. I'm just about to eat a Snickers bar when the phone rings.
- "Hello?"
- "Put the Snickers bar down and get a yogurt."
-Click-
4. It's early Saturday morning. We're on a Hampton Jitney to The Springs so crowded we're forced not to sit together. My cell phone beeps I have a text message.
- "Christ, I can see your roots from the back of the bus."
- "I can't help it! My stylist is on vacation!"
- "Get some Clairol or something. Just...make it work."
I hate you, Tim.
Xoxoxoxo
PS: I am assuming The German is a fan, so I apologize.
ROFLMGAO
i haven't laughed that hard at work sinc, The Fungus almost choked on a Tic-Tac!
Im glad I made ROFLMGAO!!!!
it took me a minute (or five) to translate ROFLMGAO
-rollingg on floor laughing my gay ass off.
sweet.
actually his show kinda sucks. so yeah
WORD!