Meeting the Wife
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Oh sweet Lord. The Wife was unbearably adorable. She actually made fun of me for not drinking enough. Meanwhile, my alleged friend sat there, mostly immobile, picking at his bok choy throughout lunch.
Midway through the meal, when The Wife went to the bathroom, I announced “I really like her.” The Writer and the husband vigorously nodded in agreement while The Writer
sort of laughed at the table. This is when I realized I was angry at him. My alleged friend had been hiding from me for two years and the lunch was making it very difficult to pretend everything had been The Wife’s fault. Maybe insecure, controlling wives drink martinis and tell you about the time they passed out in front of their mother-in-law’s house but it seemed unlikely. So I leaned over to my alleged friend and whispered in my best I-really-mean-it voice, “I like her more than you.” Then I avoided him for the rest of the day which was difficult, since I was sitting next to him, but somehow possible.
Hopefully I hurt his feelings but I am guessing he thought I was joking.
Midway through the meal, when The Wife went to the bathroom, I announced “I really like her.” The Writer and the husband vigorously nodded in agreement while The Writer
sort of laughed at the table. This is when I realized I was angry at him. My alleged friend had been hiding from me for two years and the lunch was making it very difficult to pretend everything had been The Wife’s fault. Maybe insecure, controlling wives drink martinis and tell you about the time they passed out in front of their mother-in-law’s house but it seemed unlikely. So I leaned over to my alleged friend and whispered in my best I-really-mean-it voice, “I like her more than you.” Then I avoided him for the rest of the day which was difficult, since I was sitting next to him, but somehow possible.
Hopefully I hurt his feelings but I am guessing he thought I was joking.
