Confessions.of.a.NYC.Lezie

As I am sitting at my desk, I thought, hmm….I need to confess to something. Before I say it, it is something absolutely secretive. Not a single soul knows this except for its creator – me.

Moving on, I have a guilty pleasure. No, it isn’t the silver bullet. Get your mind out of there. Ok ok, come back….go south and never look up. Good. Circles. Nice circles.

Got it?

Never mind


You know, my guilty pleasure has gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past with my non-fanatical-non-addicted soul to its competitors.

It gets harder and harder to restrain my hand from reaching, deep…. deep in the black cave…

…to find my wallet and pull out three shiny quarters and hand them over to my Greek gentleman.

There. It takes quarters – three to be exact to satisfy my lust for that delicious wet essence.

It satisfies me like no other. It runs through my veins, pumping energy and leaving me breathless, wanting more…craving even more.

I am addicted to coffee.

Not just any coffee. The one on 57th and 8th. The one my Greek Gentleman serves me.

For only three shiny quarters.

I’ve been a victim for years now. The big corporation called Starbucks will never have my soul.

Never.

Random guy smoking outside my favorite bar: Ooh exotic young ladies, my favorite.

Me: [overhearing, looks over shoulder and smiles - he was under 30 and cute, you've got to give them some encouragement.]

Him: Tell me you're a half-breed.

Me: [over shoulder, still walking] I am.

Him: Take me home.

It's amazing how such a small thing can give you such a massive ego boost. I'm going to bed with a smile on my face.

Honestly, if I were into schlongs, I would so do him.

But really, who says half-breeds?

I was talking to LA Dude about threesomes and he was telling me about his experiences and how awful they were and I was shocked that one of the girls did not know how 2 guys and a girl can all successfully fuck at the same time without any "watching." You know, finger cuffs? Wobby H? London Bridge?
uh oh…

The secret to my vulgarity?

I had an ex who watched lots of porn and of course, being the excellent girlfriend that I was I sat there with her. *cough

I think she had developed Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from excess ...

I don't get why more girls don't watch porn. Well, maybe they do and just don't admit to it? I don't know. I don't watch anything freaky. Threesomes don't do it for me, and neither does any other of that freaky shit like midget porn or animal sex. I don't like watching pearl necklaces (guys, that is never enjoyable) or have a fondness for Asians. I just like straight, normal sexy porn--and not that pussy (pun intended?) soft core shit on Skinamax. Fuck that romance shit. Or that fake lesbian porn shit, with Coco Dulce Supreme (I just made that name up – you like?) porn-star with fingernails 10inches long. Seriously. I don’t know any lezies who would fuck anyone with long nails. *Ouch.

I remember the first time I watched porn. And so here is the story. Remember Spice Channel? Well it was my discovery channel. I learned about a girl’s vagina. Ron Jeremy nasty but quite long ding dong, I learned how to basically fake my orgasm.

One time in college, I showed my roommates some of the porn my brother had left on my pc (now that I think about it – eww) and we all sat around and watched (no guys, we didn't start touching each others boobs or anything, just the occasional clitoris.) C. (I won’t type her name. She reads this and would kill me) was the only other girl I have ever met beside myself who admitted openly to liking porn. This is why she is awesome.

My point is, girls shouldn't be ashamed of watching a little sexy time. A little penetration never hurt anyone. And you can quote me on that. Who knows? You ladies might learn a thing or two.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have to go back to work. Riiiiight....